Published on 30 September 2022

Dating A Guy With Performance Anxiety: Find Solutions Here

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As you all know, performance Anxiety is experienced while performing any task; a person may also experience anxiety related to sex which may lead to Erectile Dysfunction (ED). When that happens, you may start feeling stressed about your body image and ability to please your partner, and because of this, men think anxious as It is hard to deal with ED for them.

Sex therapists have debated about anxiety being the primary psychological mechanism that controls the intrusion of sexual arousal. Many studies have found that sexual arousal may be unaffected, disrupted, or even promoted by anxiety. To understand this topic, let's get deep dive into it.

What is Performance Anxiety?

Performance Anxiety is a fear about one's ability to perform a particular task. People with performance Anxiety will always worry about failing a job. They always feel that they have to face humiliation or rejection. This type of anxiety can occur in different situations, such as performing art or something in front of people. This situation is also known as stage fright. 
It can also be experienced while having sex with your partner.

What Is Sexual Performance Anxiety?

It is difficult to have fun if you constantly worry about how well you're having sex, as it is supposed to be enjoyable. Anxiety may withdraw you from the right mindset for sex. When you focus on performing well, you cannot settle. You may get aroused but will get distracted while reaching orgasm.

There are some chances where sexual performance Anxiety will lead to a series of troubles. E.g., Someone might get so anxious while thinking about sex that he might not be able to perform, and then he might face sexual performance anxiety.

The onset of sexual dysfunction is determined in the majority of patients. Men with comorbid depression showed significantly important rates of suicidal ideation or behavior related to their sexual dysfunction and reported a lack of libido. 

Dating is a part of life that evolves as we grow older with the changing culture. There are many reasons why today's dating has become complicated; some men find it frustrating, annoying, and uncertain if things don't go as expected.

Many men don't know how to date a woman and have suffered a painful, lonely life for a long time, whereas Some men enjoy dating and know what to do in every situation. They have the looks, personality, and smile that draw women toward them without deliberate effort.

The Link Between Anxiety and Sex

The complex relationship between Anxiety disorders and desire disorders was clarified in the medical literature. The prevalence of the panic disorder in patients affected by sexual aversion disorder was 25%.

Anxiety can be generated through various stressors. It can divert you from sexual stimuli and decrease your sexual arousal, which results in poor erections in males. 

Traumatic events, like sexual abuse or sexual assault, can set off an alarm about sex. Chronic pain, hormone changes, and a lack of quality sex Education may lead to poor sexual performance.

There is a lot of misconceptions and myth when it comes to sex. Most people create stigma and shame, which significantly impacts children and adolescents. It is expected that Sex Education will focus only on pregnancy and will completely ignore the importance of sexual pleasure. 

Causes of Sexual Performance Anxiety

Sex is not only a physical response or human desire. It's a pleasurable activity that includes emotions, moments, etc. if it gets done correctly, it might become a good memory, too, but when you are stressed, you don't get excited while performing sexual activity. Following are some causes that bring sexual performance anxiety.

Body image and self-esteem issues:

People who constantly think about their height, weight, and body parts are likelier to experience SPA during sexual activities. So, before dating Someone, you must introspect and build self-confidence to be confident about your performance.

Feeling emotionally disconnected:

In certain situations, you may feel emotionally disconnected from your partner. Sometimes Sexual Performance Anxiety can also result from emotional issues you and your partner might be experiencing.

Mental health conditions:

Men get anxious during sexual intercourse and are worried about sexual adequacy. This anxiousness may distract their attention from sexual sensations. Depression and anxiety are significant illnesses that may cause SPA. So, let's know the different aspects of mental conditions.

  • Negative picture about sex: Men sometimes share secrets with their friends or Someone else and hear and believe others' advice. This can increase misconceptions about sex and lead them to overthink it.
  • A lack of sexual experience: Not everyone has the sexual experience, as many men performing sex for the first time may cause performance anxiety, and it's normal. A great way to deal with performance Anxiety is by searching out blogs, articles, or books written by those who have experienced similar things. Knowing how others overcome this condition helps you handle your situation better. 
  • Concentrating on a partner: During performance time, instead of feeling the moments, some people focus on their partner. They are not confident enough. They think they are not good enough for their partner, which is false.
  • Feeling stressed: Stress will impact every part of life, including sex. When you are experiencing stress due to work or other reasons, it may lead to SPA. In times of stress, you may need Someone to care for you and make you feel safe.

Treatment for Sexual Performance Anxiety 

Generally, a combination of medication and psychotherapy is used to treat the symptoms of SPA. Treatment will depend on what causes anxiety in an individual.

  • Psychotherapy: Cognitive-behavioural therapy is recommended for the treatment of SPA. This therapy is the most accepted form of talk therapy used to treat sexual performance Anxiety in men and women. 
  • Medication: Sometimes, Viagra and Cialis are suggested to treat erectile dysfunction and SPA. These medicines include oral pills. Testosterone replacement therapy is advisable when an issue with low libido and testosterone levels occurs.
  • Guided Imagery: Guided imagery is a specific treatment for male sexual performance Anxiety. The therapist will help you with visualizations similar to athletic training in guided imagery, where men can write these visualizations or even record them. This can be performed with or without the help of a therapist. Guided imagery teaches us to train our minds and bodies from the beginning to the end of this technique.

How to Cope With Sexual Performace Anxiety

Sexual performance Anxiety goes away with time, mainly when you have a new partner or purposefully resolved issues with your partner. The following tips may help you to deal with SPA:

  • Meditate: Meditation isn't about fixing sex life, thoughts, or mind. It is a fact you can control distractions by doing meditation. Being in the present moment and learning to become more aware of what's happening in your mind and body is the key to receiving pleasure. Meditation will help you calm your mind and lessen anxious thoughts. It will encourage you to keep an open mind about your desires and listen to your partner without judgment.
  • Masturbate: Some people benefit from masturbation, while others may feel guilty and addicted. Masturbation may help you relax, release sexual tension, reduce stress, boost your mood, improve sleep, help you have better sex, and help you feel greater pleasure. It will be beneficial in enhancing your physical relationship with your partner.
  • Get out of your head: Don't think about what can go wrong; go with the flow and be present whenever you are having sex cause it may vary from day to day and from very good to mediocre or dysfunctional. When you have fair expectations from your partner, it will be easier to experience sexual satisfaction.
  • Accept that sex isn't always perfect: It is possible that on some days, you may not just feel like having sex, which has nothing to do with your physical ability. In daily life, you have responsibilities, stresses, and conflicts, allowing you to experience sexual interactions in a cautious yet distinctively personalized and enhanced manner. Sex is often experienced as pleasure, stress relief, and mature playfulness.

Some Tips For Dating A Man With SPA

Most people face sexual performance activity, but it doesn't mean that it can't be cured. It is just a state of mind where people often overthink their performance. You can use tips on your partner to overcome their anxiety.

  • It is always good to talk about the things that please you and to address your worries about performance.
  • When you try to have extensive conversations about sex in the bedroom, emotions can run high, and people might feel like they must respond immediately or in a certain way or feel self-conscious. So, plan for this conversation to happen outside of the bedroom. That can include snuggly on the couch and drinking a glass of wine or tea, or it might mean going for a picnic in your favorite park.
  • Reframing what you consider to "count" as sex may be very helpful. There is a false belief that the only valid type of sex is penetrative sex, but that's not true.
  • Take some time to think about the sex acts that please you.
  • Sex is a mutual experience, which means communicating about what you like, trying new things, and working together to create fun.

Bottom line From Practical Anxiety Solution

It may be challenging to date a man with Sexual Performance Anxiety since there can be times when he may not be able to share his feelings, may feel shy, and can be disturbing to women. But if women try to understand the reasons behind men's behavior, it can solve many problems.

There are events like childhood Abuse, traumatic events, stressful lifestyle, and some myths about sex that may develop a wrong mindset about sex in men. Hence if there is a healthy conversation about anxiety or other issues related to sexual concerns, it will improve the quality of the physical relationship between men and women.