Does It Work, No Contact Rule?

You can never get enough of the way a human mind works. We tend to take what we have for granted without regret. There are times when the reason for this action is that we are habitual to something happening or someone being around, and we know they won't just leave.

Further, justifying our action adds to this and worsens the situation making the other person think of themselves as the victim or being too easy for you. This is precisely where the No Contact Rule comes into play. It comes under Social Psychology.

What Is the No Contact Rule?

The no-contact rule in psychology aims to help individuals heal and move on from a relationship by cutting off all communication with their ex-partner. Both men and women can benefit from the no-contact rule, as it allows them to focus on themselves and their well-being without being distracted or hurt by their ex.

However, it is essential to note that everyone's experiences and circumstances differ, and not everyone may follow the no-contact rule. Some women may find it more challenging to cut off communication with their ex, especially if they have children together or have ongoing obligations that require them to stay in contact. Ultimately, it is up to the individual to decide if the no-contact rule is the right strategy for them.

The Boyfriend Bonfire

If you are a F.R.I.E.N.D.S fan, you would be familiar with this term. The burning of dinner reservations with Nokulule Oon Taah and Rachel throwing in Paolo's alcohol remains escalated the event.

Suppose you have no idea of the above context. In that case, a boyfriend bonfire is a made-up cleansing ritual done by some women in which they burn the memories of their ex-partners, such as their photos, clothes, gifts, etc., to break the destructive boyfriend cycle so that they meet loving, caring gentlemen ahead.

This is one way of tackling the urge to communicate with your ex after you have decided to cut off all forms of communication with them.

How Does The No Contact Rule Works?

The psychology behind this step is that our mind gets habitual quickly. Your former partner must have gotten used to your sweetness and caring nature even when you thought he did NOT deserve it. This is why he took it for granted. He believed that you would always crawl back to him no matter how harsh his approach gets. He grew addicted and habitual unconsciously to your caring behavior and response.

When any addiction or habit is abruptly ended, the person is left with a big question mark. When you apply the No Contact Rule, you shortcut off all communication with your ex; this leads them into a whirlpool of questions about why it all stopped.

"You have changed."

Here comes the classic dialogue from a manipulative partner when you apply the No Contact Rule. They would blame you for leaving. They would victimize themselves to make your stay.

Know when to back out. Once you apply the No Contact Rule, they cannot contact you anymore. This includes showing up at the doorsteps and calling at night because that is when they'd feel bored, which they would interpret as lonely.

This would be your test to maintain your application of the rule—the most challenging task to keep going. You would encounter guilt, the urge to return, and so on. This is because just like they got habitual to your caring behavior, you got regular giving. You justified your actions to yourself and kept giving, even when you had reasons not to.

The moment you break this rule, you lay an impression on them that you are too susceptible to leave. This would lead to more manipulation in the future.

What Is It For You?

It is stated that a breakup after an intimate relationship could have a similar effect to that of a drug addict being refused drugs or suffering withdrawal.

With the No Contacts Rule, you refrain from being in touch with your former partner, to whom you had grown habitual and, in a way, addictive. This crumbles you up in discomfort and urges you to ping them once. With the mention of the No Contact Rule, you can NOT allow yourself to do the following:

• Texting them even if for closure: You might feel the urge to ping them once, perhaps sending an unending text. This would allow them to interfere with your life by simply stating why you texted them, and there is no denial.
• Stalking them on social media: The worst you could do is block and unblock them or hunt them to see how they are doing. This would swoon you mentally and emotionally.
• Calling them with an excuse to dial mistakenly is an old trick that would leave you doomed back into toxicity. There is no way out of this. Once this mistake is made, all the efforts you put in for yourself will be washed off.
• Sneaking a peak or visiting them: Do NOT sneak around expecting a glimpse of them. You are only showing off your gullible end, which is not well-accepted. Instead, it would show your former partner how vulnerable you are, and you could be a straightforward approach.
• Being at their familiar places: In the hope of "accidentally" bumping into them, Keeping track of their schedule, and wandering in the area where they 'might' be present only to initiate a 'surprising' conversation will leave you emotionally drained.
• Knowing about them through your or their friends shouldn't matter how they are doing. It never mattered. All that matters is, "How are you doing?" 
• Posting dedicated status posts: Posting heartbreak status, "a throwback to when I was myself," pics won't bring them around. Instead, you give a signal showing you are dependent upon your partner. That would make you easy to manipulate and more accessible by those toxic friends you never knew existed around you.
• Removing or changing profile pictures to blank is the most obvious way of letting everyone know you are sad or depressed. This makes you and your emotions exposed to everyone around you.

What Is The Need For No Contact Rule?

The primary need is for you to realize your worth. In a toxic relationship, we tend to grow emotionally and mentally dependent upon our partner, perhaps because we are shaped into doing so.

The No Contact Rule is needed to heal yourself and earn trust in situations and self-image. You gain a perspective and get time to work on yourself in terms you wish to. In addition, you gain enough strength to decide whether to head back or move ahead.

Such steps could be taxing if you haven't thought them through. The only way to get this done is by working on yourself and realizing what you are worth and what it is that you need. No Contact Rule helps you get face to yourself.

Does The No Contact Rule Work?

The success rate depends upon how and where you apply this rule. If you focus on getting back with your toxic friends or relationships, this rule will probably NOT work.

However, if you are willing to give yourself time, get closer to yourself, overcome the addiction to relationships, and become independent, without a doubt, this rule will work for you.

This process includes much time with yourself, i.e., letting your emotions out. You could take this time to grieve, deviate your frustration upon a 'hit me,' binge-watching with a mug of hot chocolate, and shop your worries away.

You discover yourself in a new way. Things you didn't know about yourself before would face you now. In that context, the success rate of the No Contact Rule is above 90 percent. This means you realize your worth during this period and become mentally and emotionally independent. 

How Does It Turn Out For You?

• Detox environment

You will feel empty and lost for the first few days since all that keeps your mind occupied has suddenly vanished. But with constant effort and proper maintenance, you feel yourself being relieved. You'd learn to appreciate the minimalist things in life which you were too occupied to bother about. You would get plenty of time to look after yourself, transform yourself the way you like!

• Priorities

You will eventually start setting your priorities straight. You would learn to start putting yourself first. You will develop a calm tone of nature where the societal drama won't affect you as quickly as it used to. You'd prioritize efforts over any said words. Actions would be on things you believe in, and you would no longer be susceptible to predators.

• Moving on becomes easier

Once you establish your worth and be your genuine self, it becomes relatively easy to move on. Mind you; you might get constant distractions from your toxic friends, ex, and mutual during this time. But make sure you head straight on your path. Compromising at times like these could harm your mental and emotional well-being.

• It saves you from the drama

When you become self-aware of the experience and step ahead by moving on, you are least likely to fall for the wordy drama your partner plays to manipulate you the next time. You would save yourself the time and effort you put into a relationship. 

How Do You Know If It's Working?

There would be noticeable changes in your former partner/friend that indicate that the No Contact Rule is working. Your person shall start acting differently as if cut off from a supply of drugs.

• Ping: You will get annoying texts once you distance yourself. Do NOT give in. They are only missing you because they are either bored or you block out the affection they got used to taking advantage of.
• Threat: If and when you do not respond to your former partner's texts, they might try threatening you to get back with them. Do not be scared. Just know that the rule is working, and you have taken two steps away from them, which is frustrating for the opposite person.
• Promises: This one is widely known. "Oh, I swear I will never hurt you ever again." "I promise to treat you like the prince/princess that you are. Would you not give me a second chance? For the sake of love?" "You loved me when I was bad, but you won't when I say I've changed?" Do NOT fall for this. They want you back to the step on your boundaries once again.
• Behavior: Your ex might try to treat you the way you had treated them. This is just a short-term effort. This is done to get you back with the person so you are left vulnerable again.

Why Do They Do So?

Your former partner must have put in a lot of effort to be with you in the first place. Seeing how you treated and tolerated them, they tend to know your vulnerable side and not try to go for someone else that easily because you already know that person. 

While you are blocking them out, the affection they show could be a trap. If they could NOT treat you well while you were with them, there is no way you will turn their heart around now.

How Long Should You Follow the No Contact Rule?

The duration of the No Contact Rule depends upon the type of breakup or rough patch, the relationship's time, and the division's cause. Another factor influencing this is how desperate you have been since the breakup.

The average duration begins 21 days after the complete cut-off. However, if the breakup has been traumatizing, the minimal course could extend from 60 to 90 days.

One thing to remember during this is that the method should be followed consistently without any loops and breaks. Interruptions in the process will lead you back to square one. Try different activities and distract yourself from disturbing thoughts and feelings about your ex.

Bottom Line From Practical Anxiety Solution

No Contact Rule is a pretty straightforward way to eliminate toxicity from your life. Although it can NOT get you back with your ex in most cases, there are fair chances you might never have to indulge in the "relationship drama" repeatedly.

No Contact Rule makes you emotionally independent and brings you closer to your true self, making you realize your worth.

Remember that if your ex never tried to keep you, they do NOT deserve to put you back through it again. Do NOT get distracted by their short-termed sweet talks. You are worth much more.